BIG NEWS in the Harris House!

Well, Well, Well…

I’ve been a lil MIA from blogging lately, and for that, I apologize. The Harris family has had quite a bit going on from our Vegas trip to the Holidays and now to a late lil’ Christmas present. It turns out that Mr. and Harris and I are expecting our first child! It stills feels surreal to say that… our… first…. baby!

I’ve known since Thanksgiving, but we had out first ultrasound on Monday and sure enough, there is a little baby wiggling around in me.

I have soooo many thoughts and feelings to share and unlike my weight loss challenge that lasted a few months, this journey has another 7 to go. I have started a new blog through this same blogging website. The link is:

http://babyharrisniblet.blogspot.com/

I hope you’ll continue to follow me there as I’m sure I will have some interesting takes on child bearing.

BTW, I’m due July 30^th. If you know me, you know I HATE THE HEAT. I despise Summer and if I had my way, I’d hibernate from June-September. God has a funny way of playing tricks on me. (Like the nauseating thought of being 9 months pregnant in July.) But we could not be more thrilled!

I can’t wait to share this exciting and blessed journey with you all!

<3 Jenn

And then... it was over

So I am relieved to announce that the Biggest Loser weight-loss challenge has officially ended. I’m not so proud to announce that I am a big fat loser. And not in a good way.

So yeah, I didn’t win. I don’t say this to be rude, but it’s hard to compete with bitter divorcees who don’t eat. And while I’m happy for the person who won, I didn’t want to win this by starving myself to some unattainable weight. I knew from the beginning that I would do this in a healthy way. And for the most part, I did. I managed to lose 13 pounds, which is 2 pounds short of my original goal. I think I’ve said before that I am harder on myself than anyone else could possibly be, and so yeah, I won’t lie and say that I’m overly thrilled with my results. They could have been much better. But it could have been much worse, too. I managed to lose a dress size and keep it off through Halloween and Thanksgiving.

Even though it’s technically “over,” this battle with my weight is not. I’m still weighing myself once a week and keeping track of my progress. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I actually feel better NOT having the accountability of weighing in at work. I was stressing myself every weekend and especially on Monday nights leading up to the Tuesday weigh-in. Lets just say I’m sleeping better at night.

I’ve enjoyed writing this blog, so I’ll continue with it. I’m still working on those “30 questions” things, so I’ll pick up with that. And also, I just got back from Vegas, so I’ll let yall know how that went too!

~Jenn

Oooo, this is getting deep....

“Something you have to forgive someone else for.”

Several people come to mind. Some who have wronged me, either maliciously or just by being so self absorbed that they’ll never know why I’m mad at them. Either way, I suppose there is someone that sticks out above all others that I have to fully forgive.

Forgiveness has never been my strong point. When I’m mad at someone, I tend to just silently move on and don’t even confront the situation. It works for me, but it has its downsides too.

It’s hard not to name names in this because we had so many friends in common, but for privacy sake, let’s just call him “Ryan Secrest.”  “Ryan” and I go way back. I knew Ryan before his voice changed, or before he even knew himself. When we were of an appropriate age, though I was a few years older, “Ryan” and I started dating. I wont go into long details of the relationship, but it was a great story. We met at church. We had similar tastes in a lot of things – music, humor, travel and come to find out later… MEN.

Yes friends, true story.

After being together for just over 3.5 years, the relationship had run its course. The age difference started to bother me. He was still young, immature and incredibly selfish. And I knew that even though we had essentially grown up together, we had grown apart to an irreconcilable distance. Secretly, I was bitter that I had wasted so many years on that relationship and passed up several opportunities of “what could have been.”

He blamed the break up on school work, long distance, etc. I blamed it on being an older woman, but deep down I knew something wasn’t … right.  Shortly after the breakup, he moved to the gay mecca of the South and fell in love with a boy just as pretty as myself. Sad thing is, to this day, he’s never told me. I found out through the marvels of modern day technology and a good ole gossip chain.

Even though years have passed and we’ve both moved on, obviously, I can’t help but be a little upset that he had deceived me all those year. But even worse, it was an utter embarrassment to me. To this day people still ask me about it.

It’s not about being gay, it’s about being with someone for so long KNOWING this isn’t your path in life and wasting prime years of young adult hood. I KNOW he knew he was gay. Looking back, there’s not a question in my mind. I just wish he was man enough to tell me to my face.

So, after this sad tale, I guess that’s one person I need to forgive. I know things happen for a reason, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Who knows how my life would have ended up if I wasn’t with “Ryan” for so long? But still, I guess there’s always going to be a small disappointed part of my heart that wishes there was more, hmmmm, I don’t know, HONESTY in those very long 3.5 years.

Terrible, Terrible Tuesday

So Thanksgiving was no good to the body. Yeah, for the first time, I had the pay my $2 because I gained weight. It was embarrassing for me because I’ve been the solid one through this ordeal. Then I weighed in this Tuesday and lost, but in a negligible amount. Like, hardly worth mentioning.

So to recap, there is one more weigh-in left in this Biggest Loser Weigh Loss challenge. I couldn’t be happier to see the damn thing end. I think I do better in my weight loss if I don’t have money and people’s hopes and dreams looming over my head. I know that makes no sense, but I’ve been stressing myself to the max every Monday night and Tuesday morning in preparation for the weigh in.  

My weight loss has curbed significantly in the last few weeks. I’ve heard there are some women who have actually done really well in the last few weeks. Some are bigger than me, some are smaller than me. All in all, realistically, I don’t think I’ll end up winning this challenge. Some of these same women, sadly, have been going through divorces and its done nasty things to their ego’s and bodies. I’ve been so happy that I ate those feelings. They’ve been so down that they cant eat. Both ways, its sad.

All in all, I’ve managed to loose about 12 pounds and keep it off. If I don’t take that lightly because… its 12 pounds! It’s a dress size. It’s a mental victory. It’s something! I will let yall know how it all went down come next Tuesday. I’m not giving up in this last week. I still plan to monitor my diet and work out. I’m hoping for one last good number. An even 15 pound loss would be awesome. But we’ll see. Stay tuned…

~Jenn

Something I hope I never have to do...

All things considered, longevity runs in the blood for my family. I was raised with both sets of Grandparents and even Great Grandparents, and that wasn’t odd to me. Case in point, my husband’s parents were a little older when they got married and had children. Neal didn’t grow up knowing both sets of Grandparents and I’m not even sure he had Great Grandparents living, even at birth. But for me, I was just shy of 28 and had two great grandmothers still living. That’s mostly unheard of these days. (Well, I guess it’s a little more prevalent in the South since a lot of couples got married young and had children right away.)

I’ve watched people very close to me, and some not so close, say their final good-bye’s to loved ones. Some of these are siblings, parents, grandparents and even some are their children. Since High School, I have sung for funerals for my own family members and for other families in the churches I’ve been a member of. Even if I didn’t know the person who died, I’ve watched the grief and sadness they bore during the funeral mass.

Probably the hardest funerals I’ve ever sang for are those mothers who are burying their children. I’ve watched mothers in their 20’s all the way up to their 90’s bury their children. Despite someone burying an infant or burying a 60 year old child, the sadness is always the same. I will never, ever forget the way my Great Grandmother (or Lil’ Granny as we called her) looked when she buried her oldest daughter, my Grandmother (or Grandmama to us cousins.) To this day, her image is in my mind, even when my Grandmama left behind 5 children. It’s intense and something I could never imagine. I guess until I have children, its something I’ll never fully understand.

The closest thing I could imagine is losing my husband, Neal, or my mother – two of the closest people to me in the world. I know death is inevitable, but it doesn’t mean that I cant wish it wont ever happen to those around me. So it’s ambitious and probably naive, but that is one thing I hope I never have to do.

Gobble, Gobble THIS!

So I’ve been MIA the last week because of the long Thanksgiving break. You know, its times like this where I question WHY the f my office decided to have its Biggest Loser Weight-Loss challenge during the Holidays?! It’s really hard to enjoy the Holidays (food) when you’re dieting. And Id be lying my fat ass off if I said I’ve been perfect when it comes to my nutrition. I’ve never met a potato that I didn’t like, and Thanksgiving is perfect for that. I indulged in both the potato and the sweet potato. Multiple times. And never looked back.

To top it all off, we traveled to Atlanta this weekend to celebrate my cousin Emily’s wedding AND our own first wedding anniversary. Now you know there’s some food to be had between the two. My favorite of the weekend? A big, fat, greasy cheeseburger from The Vortex ( www.thevortexbarandgrill.com ) in Midtown Atlanta. Oh yeah, and sweet potato fries. (Did I mention I LOVE sweet potatoes?!)

Tomorrow will be the true test of how naughty I’ve been. It, once again, is weigh-in day. I’ve tried to talk the challenge administrator into a “buy week.” No suck luck. So who knows? I’ll be in a Spin class tonight with my college roommate, Lindsey, and I may visit the sauna, too. But either way, I’m dreading tomorrow. *sigh*  So here goes…

"Something you hope to do in your life"

Some girls, when they are young, dream of being a mother. From a very young age, they are encouraged to play with dolls - coddle them like they were there very own, “feed” them, dress them, name them.  I think some women are born with a natural, maternal instinct.

When I was a child, I had my fair share of dolls, but I did best at making sure they were clean and put away in an organized fashion. They were used as a tool for me to sharpen my OCD skills that would later serve me very well in life. I would sing to these dolls, all in an effort to hone in on my musical abilities. I even had dolls that had anatomically correct private parts. True story. They were newborn twins, a boy and girl. The little boy had little boy parts and the girl had little girl parts. Again, a tool to sharpen my intelligence. While they were funny to show my more sheltered friends, I never really cared to “mother” them.

I had friends in High Schools whose life goals were to become mothers. I dreamt of a career and a husband, but not necessarily “off-spring.” Now, some 20 years later, I come upon my first anniversary or wedded bliss. While having children was never a priority for me, that all changed when I met a man that I couldn’t imagine NOT having a family with.

Neal was born to be a father. When I see how he responds to babies and children, THAT is when I start to get this maternal instinct. It may have come much later in life for me than others, but I look forward to having lil’ Catholic babies with Neal. (Hopefully with his big blue eyes and chubby cheeks.) Making me his wife was the proudest moment I’ve ever had, and one day, when the time is right, I hope to make him a proud father.

And that is what I hope to do in life…

~Jenn