“Something you have to forgive someone else for.”
Several people come to mind. Some who have wronged me, either maliciously or just by being so self absorbed that they’ll never know why I’m mad at them. Either way, I suppose there is someone that sticks out above all others that I have to fully forgive.
Forgiveness has never been my strong point. When I’m mad at someone, I tend to just silently move on and don’t even confront the situation. It works for me, but it has its downsides too.
It’s hard not to name names in this because we had so many friends in common, but for privacy sake, let’s just call him “Ryan Secrest.” “Ryan” and I go way back. I knew Ryan before his voice changed, or before he even knew himself. When we were of an appropriate age, though I was a few years older, “Ryan” and I started dating. I wont go into long details of the relationship, but it was a great story. We met at church. We had similar tastes in a lot of things – music, humor, travel and come to find out later… MEN.
Yes friends, true story.
After being together for just over 3.5 years, the relationship had run its course. The age difference started to bother me. He was still young, immature and incredibly selfish. And I knew that even though we had essentially grown up together, we had grown apart to an irreconcilable distance. Secretly, I was bitter that I had wasted so many years on that relationship and passed up several opportunities of “what could have been.”
He blamed the break up on school work, long distance, etc. I blamed it on being an older woman, but deep down I knew something wasn’t … right. Shortly after the breakup, he moved to the gay mecca of the South and fell in love with a boy just as pretty as myself. Sad thing is, to this day, he’s never told me. I found out through the marvels of modern day technology and a good ole gossip chain.
Even though years have passed and we’ve both moved on, obviously, I can’t help but be a little upset that he had deceived me all those year. But even worse, it was an utter embarrassment to me. To this day people still ask me about it.
It’s not about being gay, it’s about being with someone for so long KNOWING this isn’t your path in life and wasting prime years of young adult hood. I KNOW he knew he was gay. Looking back, there’s not a question in my mind. I just wish he was man enough to tell me to my face.
So, after this sad tale, I guess that’s one person I need to forgive. I know things happen for a reason, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Who knows how my life would have ended up if I wasn’t with “Ryan” for so long? But still, I guess there’s always going to be a small disappointed part of my heart that wishes there was more, hmmmm, I don’t know, HONESTY in those very long 3.5 years.
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